A Life Without Looking Back

I rushed back from out of town overnight when my best friend, Siobhan Coventry, went into labor. After learning that both mother and child were safe, I got teary-eyed with emotion. "Have you decided on the baby's name yet?" I asked. Her smile stiffened unnaturally for a moment. "Leonard Kessler. We'll call him Leo." "Kessler?" I stared at her in surprise. "I thought you said the baby would take your last name. Is his biological father's last name Kessler?" She gave me a vague hum before quickly changing the subject. "Ginny, I've been craving the wraps from that place in the college town." I nodded, forcing my doubts aside, and went out to buy one for her. It was only when I reached the hospital entrance that I suddenly remembered I hadn't given her my gift yet. I hurried back upstairs, only to see my husband—who had been away for two years, supposedly carrying out a classified project and never once returning home—walking into my best friend's hospital room with a bouquet in his hands. He sat down beside her bed and took her hand, his face full of concern. "You were so amazing, my love." My mind went completely blank, and all the blood rushed to my head. My hand was still on the doorknob when I saw my mother carrying the baby over to them, beaming with delight. "Look—the baby smiled as soon as he heard his daddy's voice." So her baby's last name was taken from Vincent Kessler—my husband's last name. The classified project… The whole story about having a child without the father in the picture… It had all been a lie. Even my own mother had helped her goddaughter and son-in-law deceive me. The people I loved most in the world didn't want me involved with this family at all. Chapter 1 The Home I No Longer Had I wanted to storm inside and ask them why they had lied to me and how long this had been going on. But the moment Vincent looked up, I fled in panic, as though I were the one who had no business being seen, an intruder spying on someone else's happiness. I didn't stop until I had run out of the hospital. My heart felt lodged in my throat, making me so sick I thought I was going to throw up. Just then, Siobhan texted me. "I'm sorry, Ginny. I forgot that place closed down ages ago. I'm sure you had to rush back overnight without getting any sleep. Go home and get some rest." I laughed bitterly. Go home? Where? Did I even have a home anymore? I always believed I had a room forever in my mother's house. The house Vincent and I shared was registered solely in my name. And I had the password to Siobhan's front door, too. She once told me, "My home is your home—no. This is our home." Two months into our marriage, Vincent was assigned to a classified project expected to last at least two years. I spent most of that time at Siobhan's place. She used to joke that the two of us looked more like newlyweds than Vincent and I did. Once, I returned from a two-week business trip and found a condom tucked between the cushions of her sofa. I was shocked and teased her about when she had gotten a boyfriend. Her face immediately turned scarlet, and she stammered, "No, he's not my boyfriend… It's just…" "Anyway, there's no way I can be with him. Ginny, if I did something immoral, would you hate me?" she asked. Without hesitation or regard for principle, I stood firmly by her side. If she didn't want to tell me who he was, I respected that. I just didn't want her to get hurt. Six months ago, when I found out she was pregnant and had decided to keep the baby, I was shocked and worried. But the first thing I said was still meant to reassure her. "It's okay. If you're having the baby, I'll raise it with you." She had been so moved that she choked up, apologizing profusely. Only now did I realize that I had misunderstood everything. Worse, the man she had refused to name was actually my husband. The truth had come back around like a boomerang and struck me squarely between the eyes. … I went back to my mother's house, only to find that the lock had been replaced with a fingerprint lock at some point. I couldn't get inside. Half an hour later, my mother returned. When she saw me sitting on the floor outside, she unlocked the door and scolded me as she walked in. "Was your phone dead? Why didn't you reply to Shivvy on WhatsApp? She was worried you hadn't seen her message and had gone to the college town for nothing. She even called you several times." I stared at her slightly stooped back, feeling as though I were looking at a stranger. "If you're back too, who's taking care of her at the hospital?" I asked. Her hand paused for a second as she changed her shoes. "The postpartum nurse we'd arranged had arrived, and there were nurses at the hospital, too. You don't need to worry about it." With that, she went into the bathroom to freshen up. Evidently, my concern was unnecessary to them. The moment they heard that Siobhan had gone into labor early, I rushed back to see her, only to become a burden. Just then, my mother's phone rang in her purse, so I took it out. The lock screen had already been changed to a photo of the baby. Before that, it had been a silly picture of her and Siobhan making faces together. The password was always Siobhan's birthday—and also the anniversary of her mother's death. On Siobhan's 12th birthday, I had suddenly developed a stomachache after eating the birthday cake. Her mother had frantically driven me to the hospital, but on the way there, she got into a car accident. She died despite the doctors' efforts to save her. The adults had all comforted me and told me it wasn't my fault, but I always thought I owed Siobhan a mother. As such, my mother took her in as her goddaughter, showering her with affection and treating her far better than she treated me. Whenever the seasons changed, she bought Siobhan new clothes while I wore the ones Siobhan had outgrown. If my mother had freshly squeezed orange juice especially for Siobhan, I wouldn't be allowed to drink it first. If there was one last piece of spare rib, it was always for her. For Siobhan's 16th birthday, my mother gave her a pearl necklace. I got nothing more than a bowl of buttered noodles. I had always thought all of that was perfectly natural and never once thought that it was unfair. Besides, Siobhan simply had a better personality than I did. She was considerate and attentive, and she always knew exactly what to say. It was only natural that my mother liked her more. I had kept giving way until, in the end, everyone had simply grown accustomed to it. Chapter 2 The Six Months They Stole From Me Before Vincent and I were supposed to get married, I once overheard my mother lamenting to Siobhan behind my back. "You don't have to keep giving in to her. In fact, I think Vincent likes you more. Even the people at the bridal shop said the two of you look like a married couple." At once, Siobhan furiously told her not to say something like that. "I don't like Vincent, and Vincent doesn't like me either! If Ginny hears you, she'd be hurt." I felt a pang of sadness at the time, but I simply assumed my mother was imagining things. I never once considered that Siobhan and Vincent might actually have something between them, that they could get together behind my back and even have a child. I tapped on WhatsApp and saw a message from Vincent. "Mindy, find a way to keep Ginny from coming to the hospital. Shivvy is physically weak right now, and having to deal with her on top of everything else is exhausting. She isn't getting enough rest." Upon coming out of the bathroom, my mother immediately rushed toward me when she saw her phone in my hand. "Who gave you permission to touch my phone?" Looking at the anger on her face, I gave a bitter laugh. "Mom, do you still think of me as your daughter? Are you sure we're related?" My mother glared at me, using anger and accusation to cover up her guilt. "I dare you to say that again, Genevieve Mansfield! You're heartless! Your useless father ran off with another woman before you even started elementary school. Who did you think raised you all these years, having to act as both your parents? Answer me!" Just then, her WhatsApp chimed twice. She turned around, intending to go back into her room. "I saw everything." I finally revealed. "Tell Vincent to come see me now. If he does, I'll agree to the divorce and let them be together." She paused for a second before turning back, surprise and delight flashing across her face. "Really?" At that, I felt as though I had been struck over the head all over again. … When Vincent walked through the door, he and my mother exchanged a long look, and she walked out. He stood there, looking at me in silence for a long time before starting, "Ginny…" "Congratulations on becoming a father." I looked up, thinking I could keep my emotions under control. But the moment I saw his face, the longing I had carried for two years came surging back, tangled together with a hatred far more complicated than I had ever imagined. My eyes burned red, and my throat felt stuck. "When did it start? When did you two start having sex? Before we got married or after? Was the classified project a lie, too?" "No!" Finally, I had asked a question he could answer without hesitation, and he immediately spoke up. "It was real. It just ended after six months. I didn't know how to face you, or how to face what was left of our relationship." Six months… Wasn't that exactly when I had been transferred? At the time, I had been given an opportunity for a promotion, but it required me to spend two years stationed in a remote border region. Siobhan had told me not to worry about anything back home. "Don't worry. I'll look after Aunt Mindy." Vincent was supportive of me, too. We were only allowed five minutes of phone time each week, and he had spent every one of those five minutes pacifying me. "Once the two years are over, we'll return together. We won't have to be apart anymore." I thought they were both doing it for my sake. Now, I realized they had simply wanted to send me as far away as possible so they could have an affair without me getting in their way. "Don't put it that way." His face shifted between pale and livid. I laughed. Was I the one making it sound ugly, or were they the ones who had done something disgusting? Hell, they even had a child together now! "Do you know that Siobhan would tell me all the details of what the two of you did? You two did it three times on her birthday that night. That was when you got her pregnant, right?" "Enough!" Vincent snapped, humiliated and enraged. The veins at his temples stood out as he shouted, "Genevieve, you know perfectly well why you don't spend her birthday with her. You owe her. You have no right to criticize her." I stared at him for a moment before letting out an incredulous laugh. "So because you cheated on me on her birthday, that gives you some kind of special exemption?" He didn't answer. Instead, he changed the topic. "Shivvy is still weak, and she's suffering from postpartum depression. She can't handle any kind of stress right now. Until she has fully recovered, don't go visiting her. And whatever you do, don't let her know that you've already found out. Do you understand?" The smell of hospital disinfectant mixed with the sour, milky scent of a baby clung to him. Up close, it invaded my nose. I shoved him away and rushed into the bathroom, vomiting as though I could empty every organ inside me. "Ginny, have some water…" Vincent patted my back. But the concern in his eyes and movements only made me feel sicker. "Don't touch me!" His hand remained suspended in the air for several seconds before he stiffly lowered it. Just then, my mother called his phone. "Vincent, I'm at the hospital, but Shivvy is gone. She isn't answering her phone either. What should I do?" The color drained from Vincent's face, and he abruptly turned toward me. "What did you say to her?" Chapter 3 The Baby Is Yours Too He had just snatched my phone away when we suddenly heard movement outside the door. Siobhan was standing there, biting her pale lips, her eyes red and swollen. "You know now, don't you, Ginny?" Her voice trembled with fear. Vincent immediately went to support her, positioning his body between her and me. His voice was gentle as he soothed her, though there was a trace of anxious reproach in it. "Why did you come out here by yourself? You should have put on something warmer. You just gave birth. You should be resting, not out here in the cold. Go back to the hospital, okay?" Siobhan shoved him away and rushed inside, grabbing hold of me as she sobbed. She explained, "I'm sorry, Ginny. It was all my fault. I secretly fell in love with Vincent, but he loved you. I couldn't destroy your relationship. "I was despicable. Before you two got married, I got him drunk and put on your clothes. He mistook me for you, and that was how… "We agreed that we would both forget it. We tried to pretend nothing happened, but I was greedy. I kept pushing my luck and going back to him again and again. Then I accidentally got pregnant, and I couldn't bring myself to lose the baby. "I kept lying to you. Ginny, you should hate me. I don't deserve to be your family." She clutched my arm as she cried, slowly sinking to her knees before wrapping her arms around my legs. "Ginny, Leo is yours, too. You're his godmother. You can hate me as much as you want, but don't take it out on Leo." Vincent's eyes were filled with distress and pity as he helped her back to her feet. As I stepped backward, my knee struck her nose. More accurately, she had thrown herself into me as I stepped back. Blood immediately began streaming from her nose. "Shivvy!" Vincent cried out in panic, but Siobhan just shoved him away and continued crying and pleading with me. "Ginny, please forgive me, okay?" I stood there numbly, my head buzzing. "Genevieve, say something." Vincent grabbed me by the collar and glared at me with such fury that it felt as though he might kill me if I said the wrong thing. "Say you won't blame her, and that you'll accept this child." I gave a derisive laugh, then said coldly, "Why should I?" Siobhan cried so hard she began dry-heaving. Her face was smeared with blood, yet she kept repeating, "I'm sorry." Vincent shot me a resentful glare before forcibly picking her up and carrying her away. Siobhan wrapped her arms around his neck. A diamond ring gleamed on her left ring finger—the one a mysterious man had given her after she became pregnant. When she first told me about it, there was a sparkle in her eyes despite the sadness in her voice. "He proposed, but we both know it's just pretend. There's no way we could actually be together." Apparently, once the baby was born, that had become possible. My body swayed. A splitting headache tore through my skull, and my stomach hurt terribly. The city hospital where I had undergone an examination a few days earlier called me. The ringing mixed with the sound of someone rummaging through my things, shrill and grating, but I had no energy to answer. I finally managed to find some painkillers and swallowed them together with sleeping pills. Perhaps when I woke up, I'd find that this had all just been some absurd nightmare. But I'd rather never wake up. Chapter 4 If They Wanted Me Gone "Genevieve!" I was jolted awake by Vincent's furious roar, drenched in cold sweat, my heart pounding violently. "Drop the act! Get up!" He yanked me off the sofa. My head struck the coffee table, and the pain flashed through me so sharply that my vision went black. "I know Shivvy and I wronged you. If you're angry, take it out on me. But do you have to drive Shivvy to her death before you'll be satisfied? She just gave birth and is at her most vulnerable right now!" I had no idea what he was talking about, but I already knew another accusation had been dumped on me. As it turned out, Siobhan had been subjected to a wave of online abuse. She was a moderately popular online comic blogger, having gained tens of thousands of followers by drawing comics about our everyday lives as best friends. In the middle of the night, someone had noticed inconsistencies in her posts and made a thread questioning whether Siobhan had knowingly become a homewrecker, seduced her best friend's husband, secretly had a child with him, then forced her best friend to become the baby's godmother. As commenters pieced the story together, they began cursing Siobhan for being fake, shameless, and filthy. Some of the more vicious and enraged comments were downright vile. Logically speaking, there was only one person who could have made that post—the best friend at the center of it all. I gave a speechless, bitter laugh. Siobhan had gone to extraordinary lengths, destroying her own career and reputation just to frame me and drive me completely out of this family. But why bother? I had already said I would divorce Vincent. "Someone tracked down the hospital and attacked Shivvy. They nearly hurt Leo, too. Do you know that? Or did you send them?" Vincent was consumed by rage, his face and neck flushed red, his eyes bloodshot. "Are you happy now that you've gotten your revenge?" I showed him my phone. "I didn't do it." But, of course, I was nothing more than a villain to him right then. He slapped the phone out of my hand and demanded, "You'd better make things right now. Say that you didn't make the post, that it was all fabricated and completely untrue." I shook my head. "I didn't do it. And I won't lie, either. I'm not going to sit here and say things I know aren't true." Vincent was beside himself with fury at this point. He slammed his fist down on the coffee table, cracking the glass panel that had been there for over a decade. "Genevieve, don't make me hate you." He was breathing heavily, his voice low and restrained, thick with conflicting emotions. "Well, I hate both of you!" We glared at each other for several seconds. He abruptly stood up, slammed the door behind him, and left. Eventually, my mother filmed the clarification video. Her eyes were red as she said, "I don't know what kind of intentions the person spreading these rumors had. Shivvy is my goddaughter. My biological daughter, Ginny, died in a car accident when she was twelve. "Shivvy only drew what she imagined Ginny would look like when she grew up because she wanted to do something for me. Shivvy and my son-in-law have been together since high school. They dated, got married, and had a child together. There was never any homewrecker, no cheating, and no falling-out between best friends." The death notification and cremation certificate they produced belonged to Siobhan's mother. They had covered up the crucial identifying information, but left enough visible to create confusion. Public opinion instantly swung in their favor, and everyone began sympathizing with Siobhan. I dragged the video back and replayed it more than a dozen times and heard my mother repeatedly claim her biological daughter had died at twelve. My heart had seemingly gone numb from the pain. I called my mother, trembling. I wanted to ask her why she hated me so much, why she would help an outsider slander her own daughter. But the moment the call connected, all I heard was a busy tone. It seemed that she had known I would confront her—and had blocked me in advance. A bitter ache spread through my heart. Since they wanted me dead, I would disappear completely. Another wave of agony tore through my stomach, and my consciousness gradually blurred. Just before I passed out, I dialed his number. "Can you come pick me up?" "Wait for me."