He Won't Live Long, so I Must Vanish

The year my younger brother, Casey Sullivan, is diagnosed with a heart disease, the doctor says he won't live past 25 years old. From then on, everyone keeps repeating the same thing. "Casey doesn't have much time left." Wanda Locke, my childhood friend, throws my birthday cake into the trash. "Casey doesn't have much time left. He can't eat anything sweet, so just let him have this." Gia Sullivan, my older sister, tears up my acceptance letter to the boxing program at the sports university. "Casey doesn't have much time left. He can't box, and watching you practice would upset him. So just let him have this." My fiancée, Hazel Grant, postpones our wedding three times. "Casey doesn't have much time left. He'll never get the chance to marry. Just let him have this." I ask them, "Just because Casey doesn't have long to live, does that mean I don't deserve to live either?" Mom hears this and immediately goes on a hunger strike. She lies down in the hospital bed next to Casey's. "If I can't even make this sacrifice for Casey, then I'll die with him." On the third day, I stand outside the hospital room and swear never to bring up the wedding again. Later, Casey wants to experience being in love. Mom says, "Casey doesn't have much time left. He's never been in a relationship, so let him have Hazel for a few years." I walk out of the hospital room. "Casey doesn't have much time left, but I want to live a little longer. That's why I'm leaving." Chapter 1 Caleb's POV It was raining outside the hospital. I opened my umbrella, but a gust of wind hit me head-on and turned its old metal ribs inside out. I stood at the bottom of the steps and tried to bend the ribs back into place. One of them cut my finger, but the canopy was still crooked. Rain ran off the edge and down my collar. A black umbrella passed by me. Hazel Grant held it in one hand and carried a cake box in the other. Wanda Locke followed behind her, holding a large bouquet of sunflowers. They both saw me and the broken umbrella in my hand, but they walked straight up the steps without stopping. Casey Sullivan was waiting at the top of the steps in his hospital gown. "Casey, why are you downstairs?" "I saw your car from the window. I wanted to see you sooner." Wanda hurried over and wiped the rain from his forehead. Hazel tilted the umbrella toward him, leaving half of her own shoulder soaking wet. Last week, when my fever reached 102.2°F, I called Hazel. She said she was with Casey, told me to drink plenty of water, and said I should take a cab to the hospital myself. Casey stared at the cake box. He sounded excited. "Is it sugar-free?" "I waited in line for two hours," Hazel said, smiling. "The doctor said you could have a small piece." Wanda chimed in next to them, "This time, the cake is all yours. You don't have to depend on anyone else to give you a piece." On my birthday, Wanda had thrown my cake into the trash and said, "Casey can't eat it, so neither should you. It'll only upset him if he sees you enjoying it." So it wasn't that he couldn't have cake. They just didn't want him eating mine. Casey reached for the cake box, then looked past Hazel's shoulder and spotted me. "Caleb? Why are you standing in the rain?" Hazel and Wanda finally turned around, as if they had just remembered I was still there. Wanda frowned. "Are you still throwing a fit?" "I'm not," I replied. Casey's voice suddenly grew quieter. "Is this because of me? If it is, I'll give Hazel back to you. Please don't be mad, Caleb." Hazel immediately put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't say things like that. The doctor said you mustn't get upset." She came down two steps and stood in front of me. She left the umbrella over Casey and stood in the rain herself as she lowered her voice. "What are you thinking? There's nothing going on between Casey and me. He's just curious. I'll take him out for meals, watch movies with him, and keep him happy. That's all." Before she could finish speaking, Casey sneezed on the steps. She immediately turned around, took his cold hands in hers, and tucked them into her coat pocket. I had given her that coat last year. Back then, I had reached for her hand on the street, but she had pulled away and said it wasn't proper to hold hands in public. As she kept Casey's hands warm, she looked back at me. "You're healthy, and you can wait. Casey can't. Once he's gone, we'll get married." The rain hit my face. Suddenly, I wanted to laugh. She could keep using excuses like that to lie to herself, but how could she expect them to fool me too? "You can wait if you want. I won't do that anymore," I replied. Wanda scoffed. "Here we go again. Why are you always competing with Casey? Are you even his older brother?" A black sedan pulled up at the bottom of the steps. My older sister, Gia Sullivan, got out. When she saw Casey standing in the wind, her expression darkened. She took a blanket from the car, draped it over his knees, then placed a gift box in his arms. Inside was a pair of commemorative boxing gloves signed by a world champion. "Didn't you want to see a professional boxing match, Casey? I'll take you to one next month. You can watch whichever match you want." I stared at the gloves and remembered the acceptance letter Gia had torn in half. That day, she had said, "Casey can't box, so who are you showing off to?" Casey held the gloves and tugged at her sleeve. "Gia, I think Caleb is still upset." Gia finally spared me a glance. She frowned. "Mom hasn't eaten for three days because of you. Why aren't you going to check on her? Who are you trying to impress by standing out here in the rain?" I wanted to tell her that Mom was refusing to eat just to make me give in, and I had already done that. But when I opened my mouth, only one sentence came out. "Gia, could you take me home?" "Casey has tests coming up. We need to keep the car here for him." I nodded. Gia glanced at the umbrella in my hand, then said, "If you're not going to stay at the hospital, you should at least show that you care. "I'll hold onto your debit card for now. You'll pay for Casey's follow-up appointment next month." I had given Gia that debit card during my first month at work. She had said she would keep it safe for me, and every paycheck I had earned over the years had gone into that account. I didn't want to argue with them in the rain, so I said nothing. I just made a note to myself to report the debit card missing and get a new one when I had time. Gia didn't look at me again. Instead, she lowered her head and asked Casey if he was cold. Another gust of wind blew through. The umbrella with the bent ribs shook in my hand, sending all the water along its edge down onto me. Hazel moved the umbrella slightly toward me. But when Casey coughed, she quickly pulled it back. "Casey, it's too windy here. Let's go inside." She helped Casey toward the entrance. After taking a few steps, she turned back to me. "I'll call you tonight. Don't read too much into the whole thing." The four of them went into the hospital building. Gia carried Casey's commemorative boxing gloves, Hazel kept a hand on his back, and Wanda carried his hospital bag. Not one of them looked back. I closed my broken umbrella and stood under the awning. Then I opened my chat with my grandma, Dana Hall. Her last message read, "Caleb, if you can't stay in that house anymore, come live with me." Back then, I had replied that Casey needed someone there for him, so I wanted to wait a little longer. Now I typed another message and sent it. "Grandma, I'm done waiting. I'll pack my things when I get home, then come live with you." Chapter 2 Caleb's POV When I got home to pick up my documents, I found my bedroom door wide open. I walked closer and froze in the doorway. My bed had been replaced with a large bed covered in starry-sky bedding. A game console and projector sat against the wall. The desk held a scented candle, sports star figurines, and a pair of matching mugs. An entire wall was covered with Polaroid photos. Each picture showed Casey and Hazel. They were making heart signs on a Ferris wheel, pressing their faces together in front of the aquarium glass, and sharing a bowl of hot stew on the hospital rooftop. Each photo had a date written underneath in colored marker. The oldest one was from three months ago. Three months ago, Hazel had told me her project was behind schedule and that she'd had to work overtime two weekends in a row. A handwritten wooden sign hung behind the door. It read, "Casey's Dating Experience Room. No Entry." I called my mom, Darlene Johnson, and asked her who had done this to my room. "Didn't Gia tell you?" Mom was confused. The phone shifted away, and Gia's voice came through. "I asked Wanda to tell you." Wanda was in the hospital room too. She quickly chimed in, "I thought Hazel had told him." After asking everyone, I realized that none of them had bothered to tell me. When I stayed silent, Mom continued, "There's not enough space in Casey's bedroom for all that stuff. He's just borrowing yours to experience what it's like to live with a girlfriend. "Once he's had his fun, we'll put everything back the way it was." I looked at my bed, which was covered with collectible figures. I asked, "Then where am I supposed to sleep?" There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. "Can't you sleep on the living room couch? You used to sleep beside Casey's hospital bed when he was admitted. Why are you being so picky now?" I hung up and peeled the sticker off the mug on my bedside table. Half of my name showed through, and the other half was black from the leftover glue. My documents were in the desk's second drawer. When I opened it, I found it stuffed with Casey's hospital wristbands, pill cases, and a stack of old movie tickets. I moved them aside one by one and found a journal lying on top of my documents. The cover read, "Casey's Bucket List." I hadn't wanted to touch it, but a piece of paper tucked inside the journal caught my eye. I recognized the corner right away. I pulled it out. It was my acceptance letter. Gia had torn it in half and thrown it into the trash downstairs years ago. Now someone had carefully taped the pieces back together. Stains that wouldn't come off still marked the edges. I turned to the page where it had been tucked. "Fall in love with someone like Hazel. "Have a wedding with someone like Hazel as the bride. "Have dinner at Hazel's house. "Go to a sports university and learn boxing." There was a little smiley face drawn next to the last item on the list. I stared at that line for a long time. Years ago, I had begged Gia from the living room floor to give my acceptance letter back. She had torn it up right in front of me. So it hadn't been thrown away after all. Someone had picked it up and put it back together. My dreams had become items on his bucket list. He'd even added the wedding I never got to have to it. I stuffed my ID, personal documents, and acceptance letter into my bag, then put the journal back where I had found it. My phone buzzed twice. It was a message from Gia. "Don't touch Casey's things. He'll get upset if he finds out. Sleep at home tonight. There's a folding bed in the storage room." I opened the bus ticket app. There were only two buses a week to Grandma's town, and the next one was scheduled for Saturday at 7:00 pm. I booked my ticket, then sent Grandma a message. "Grandma, I bought my ticket. I'll arrive Saturday night." Grandma replied right away, "Good. I'll wash your blanket so that it'll smell nice and fresh." I cleared all the collectible figures off my bed and put on fresh sheets and a new comforter cover. I had my own bedroom. Why should I have to sleep in the storage room? A little after 11:00 pm, my phone lit up. It was Hazel. She'd said she would call me that evening. She kept her promise, but she was six hours late. I stared at the screen for a long time before finally answering. It was quiet on the other end. All I could hear was the hum of the air conditioner and someone breathing softly. "Hello?" No one answered. A few seconds later, a weak voice came through the phone. "Caleb, Hazel fell asleep. I'm saying good night to you on her behalf." Chapter 3 Caleb's POV Early the next morning, Grandma called me on video. She told me the town's sports center needed a boxing coach. The director was the son of one of her old friends. As soon as he heard I had gotten into college on an athletic scholarship for boxing, he wanted to hire me. "They said they needed to see if you could still box. Caleb, if you pass, take the job. If you don't, we'll find something else for you." I gripped my phone and stayed silent for a long time. I hadn't boxed in six years. After my acceptance letter was torn up, I had shoved my gloves into the back of a closet. I couldn't even bring myself to watch a boxing match. I was afraid I would remember what it felt like to stand in the ring. Grandma laughed on the other end. "When you were a kid, you would spend the whole afternoon hitting the punching bag in my yard. Have you still got that same drive?" "Yes." After hanging up, I dug out my old boxing gloves. The leather had stiffened, and the straps were frayed. I had thought about throwing them away many times over the years, but I could never bring myself to. No one would be home at this hour, so I pushed the coffee table aside and propped my phone on the TV stand. I rolled my shoulders and tried a round of shadow boxing. My first combination was a complete mess. I stumbled and had to grab the couch to keep from falling. I was still out of breath on the second try. By the third round, my body finally remembered the movements. I moved on my feet, slipped, threw a lead jab, followed with a rear cross, and finished with a ducking hook. My gloves made a soft swishing sound as they cut through the air. For a moment, I was back at that year's tryouts. The coach had patted my shoulder and said I was born to be a boxer. I pulled back from my final straight punch and reached for my phone, breathing hard. Then the door behind me opened. "Caleb?" Casey stood in the entryway, wearing Hazel's coat. Mom carried his hospital bag, Gia held a bouquet, and Wanda and Hazel followed behind them. "The doctor said Casey was recovering well, so he wanted to come home early and stay in his dating experience room…" Mom didn't finish her sentence. Her eyes fell on my boxing gloves, and her expression darkened. Casey slowly pressed a hand to his chest, and tears filled his eyes. "Caleb is so good at boxing. I'll never be able to do it in my life." His voice was soft, but it was enough to set everyone off. Mom stormed over and slapped me across the face. "You knew Casey was coming home from the hospital today. You did this on purpose!" My ears rang. Before I could steady myself, Gia snatched my phone off the TV stand and slammed it onto the floor. "I tore up your acceptance letter once, and you still haven't learned your lesson." Wanda leaned against the doorframe and scoffed. "I knew he couldn't stand seeing Casey happy. He didn't pull any stunts while Casey was in the hospital, but the moment Casey got discharged, Caleb started this. What perfect timing." Hazel didn't yell at me. Instead, she stepped in front of Casey and frowned and looked deeply disappointed. "You know Casey can't do anything strenuous." Casey peeked out from behind her and sniffled. "Don't blame Caleb. I shouldn't have come home so soon." Mom turned to glare at me. I knew that look too well. She was waiting for me to back down, just as I had done every time over the past six years. All I had to do was apologize, and everyone would pretend nothing had happened. Wanda was waiting too. She glanced impatiently at her watch. "Just apologize already. Everyone's tired. You always give in eventually anyway." I said nothing. I crouched and picked up my phone. The screen was covered in cracks, but it was still on. In the chat, two ticks appeared beneath the video. It had been sent. When Gia grabbed my phone earlier, my finger had landed right on the send button. "I did nothing wrong. I'm not apologizing," I said. Mom pointed furiously at the door. "Get out! Don't come back until you've thought this through!" Casey grabbed her arm, tears running down his face. "Mom, don't kick Caleb out. He was willing to put off his wedding for Hazel's sake. He'd never really leave." No one argued with him. I took my phone and went back to my room to pack. Outside the door, I could still hear Wanda saying, "It's not the first time he's threatened to leave. He'll be fine after a night's sleep." I shut the door and finally tore all the photos off the wall. A moment later, my phone lit up with a reply from the sports center. "We received your video. Please report for work next Monday." I was just about to tell Grandma when I heard Hazel talking on the phone outside. "Dad, I'm bringing my boyfriend home for dinner tomorrow night. I want him to meet you." Chapter 4 Caleb's POV As soon as the call ended, Hazel knocked on my bedroom door. "Come to my parents' house with Casey tomorrow night. Explain that you agreed to let me spend time with Casey and let him experience being in a relationship. That way, Mom and Dad won't get the wrong idea." "I never agreed to that," I replied. Hazel paused. "Didn't you agree at the hospital?" "Mom hadn't eaten for three days, and all of you were waiting for me to give in," I said. "I just didn't want to watch her starve herself any longer. That doesn't mean I agreed to explain things to your parents." Hazel's expression darkened. "Meeting my parents is Casey's last wish. Once that's done, it'll all be over. Why make things difficult for him now, when he's so close to getting what he wants?" Casey stood in the doorway, clutching the sleeves of his pajamas. "Let's forget it. I don't want to make things hard for Caleb." Gia stepped out from behind him, but she spoke to me instead. "What will the Grant family think of Casey if you don't go? What about his reputation?" Mom had come too. She looked even angrier than before. "If you put Casey through this, I won't eat today." Wanda leaned against the doorframe and barked out a laugh. "Here we go again. Last time, Darlene went three days without eating, and you ended up begging her outside her room. "You've already let Hazel spend time with Casey, so why are you pretending now? It's just one dinner. It's not like it's going to hurt you." Hazel stopped trying to convince me. She just watched, waiting for me to do what I had done countless times before and put an end to the argument. I opened my bedside drawer, took out my engagement ring, and placed it in front of her. "I'm not going, and don't tell anyone I agreed to this." The ring made a soft clink as it touched the table. Hazel looked at the ring, and her brows furrowed. "Put the ring away. Don't try to scare me with this. I'll bring you red velvet cake from your favorite bakery tonight." I had once loved that cake. Before the bakery closed, she had waited in line with me many times for it. But this time, I said nothing. I walked past them, picked up my bag, and left. That morning, I went to the bank and reported my debit card missing. The teller issued me a new one. Then I changed the account where my salary was deposited and printed out my transactions from the past year. I would go through every dollar I had given Gia to hold for me. That afternoon, I packed everything Hazel had given me into a box and shipped it to the Grant family home. Gia sent a message in the family group chat. "Caleb even took off his ring and went to the bank. He's really going all out this time." Mom replied, "He can't leave this family, and he can't bear to lose Hazel. Give him a couple of days. He'll get over it." Wanda sent a smiling emoji. "I'll be waiting to see him come crawling back tonight. Hazel sent a head-patting sticker. "Caleb loves me too much to leave." When boarding began for the long-distance bus, Hazel called. Her name appeared on my phone screen, but I didn't answer. She was probably sitting at the Grant family's dinner table, waiting for me to explain things to her parents. I silenced my phone, handed over my ticket, and boarded the bus.