The Life I Chose After Her

All because my wife said she had no nice fabric to make clothes with. I started shining shoes every day after my shift at the steel mill. Later, she quit my mill job on my behalf without asking me. She said she hated seeing me work so hard. But that day, her first love came to my stand. He planted his foot on my shoulder and said with a grin, “Thanks to Emily getting me that job at the mill, things are finally looking up.” I looked up at his clothes and froze. They were made from the expensive fabric I had bought my wife—the fabric that had cost me my entire paycheck. Later, a businessman whose shoes I shined invited me to work with him in Chicago. I agreed without a moment’s hesitation. My wife, who had been standing beside me apologizing, suddenly fell silent and stared at me in disbelief. “Well, Daniel, don’t you look sharp!” “Where did you buy that fabric? I’d love to have an outfit made for my son.” A neighbor spotted Daniel Brooks and couldn’t take her eyes off his clothes. Daniel beamed and answered cheerfully, “I couldn’t tell you. Emily made this for me. I think it looks great, too.” The neighbor couldn’t resist teasing him. “I’m jealous. You two have been close since you were kids. I always thought you’d end up married!” Then she remembered I was there and hurried to correct herself. “Just kidding, Ethan. Don’t take it personally!” “I’d better get going. We’ll catch up another day!” As she walked away, I knocked Daniel’s foot off my shoulder and said irritably, “I’m closing for the day. Find someone else.” Even after I got home, Daniel’s taunts kept replaying in my head. Bang! I slammed the front door to vent my anger. Emily Parker flinched on her wooden chair. She slowly walked over to me, looking confused. “Ethan, what’s wrong?” “Why did you pack up so early? Did those thugs bother you again?” A bitter laugh escaped me. I still remembered the day I was shining shoes in town. A few thugs had stuck their feet in front of me without so much as a greeting. They ordered me to clean their shoes and not leave a single speck of dirt. Once I got a good look at their faces, I recognized them as the town’s notorious deadbeats. I waved them away and said I wasn’t taking any more customers. They took it as an insult and started beating me. They left me barely conscious, my blood splattered across the ground. Plenty of people stood around watching. Not one stepped forward to help—including my wife. She stood beside Daniel, clutching the hem of his jacket as she warned him quietly, “Let’s stay out of it. Those guys are trouble. I don’t want you getting dragged into this.” Then she pulled Daniel away without looking back. Thinking about it now, I felt like a fool. I had once treasured her more than anything. Even holding her in my hands never seemed safe enough. When I heard there were muggers in town, I started taking her to work and bringing her home every day, rain or shine. And her? While her own husband was being beaten half to death, she worried about another man. At that moment, the heart that had loved her for fourteen years finally died. I walked around her and went into the kitchen. She followed me and reached for the spatula in my hand. “You’ve had a bad day. Let me cook.” I said flatly, “How many times have you even stepped into this kitchen? Do you know how to cook?” Emily withdrew her hand. Sounding a little angry, she asked, “What is wrong with you today?” I glanced at her and said heavily, “Daniel came to my stand today.” “You used the fabric I gave you to make his clothes, didn’t you?”She froze, then asked cautiously, “Ethan, are you upset?” When I didn’t answer, she went on. “You know Daniel and I have been close since we were kids.” “He came all the way here on his own to find me. Of course I have to look after him.” “Don’t be childish. Be a little more generous.” I choked on my words. Was I not allowed to be angry? I had worked myself to the bone to give her the best, only for her to turn around and give it to someone else. When had she ever thought about me? My clothes had been patched, torn, and patched again. I had spent half my life making do. Why had it never occurred to her to make something for me? I scooped the cooked food onto a plate and said calmly, “Wash your hands. Dinner’s ready.” If she was determined to put someone else first, there was nothing left for me to say. Maybe I should have realized long ago that she either ignored everything I did or simply took it for granted. I pulled out a chair and started eating. For the first time, I didn’t wait for her to pick up her fork before picking up mine. Emily opened her mouth, but in the end, she said nothing. That night, she climbed into bed and spoke gently. “You work so hard, Ethan. Let me rub your shoulders.” She placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly began to knead them. That caring, gentle-wife routine was exactly what had kept me captivated for so long. When we were young, she loved wearing a blue cotton dress with a little wildflower tucked into her hair. Her voice was always soft. She came from a well-off family and taught at the local school. Students and parents loved her. Back then, everyone envied me for marrying such a wonderful woman. I thought I was lucky, too. But after Daniel took her away from my side again and again, I couldn’t keep lying to myself. She loved me, but she loved Daniel more. I turned over, removed her hands, and said quietly, “I’m tired. Let’s sleep.” Emily’s expression stiffened. She frowned and complained, “How long are you going to keep this up?” “He has no family here. I’m the closest thing he has. If I don’t look after him, who will?” “You’ve known him since you were kids, too. How can you be so heartless?” My patience snapped. “He’s a grown man in his thirties. Why does he need you taking care of him?” “Does he treat you like a friend? Because it looks to me like he treats you like his wife!” Emily flushed and pointed at me. “Ethan Reed! What the hell are you talking about?” I laughed coldly and continued, “Emily, when you quit my job at the steel mill behind my back, I thought you were worried about me.” “But after hearing it straight from Daniel today, I finally understood. You wanted to give him my position.” “You knew how much work it took for me to get into that mill. Yet you handed my job to him without a second thought. Which one of us is your husband?” Emily froze. Clearly, she hadn’t expected me to find out. She tried to explain. “It wasn’t like that, Ethan.” “You were working two jobs. I only quit the mill job for you because I could see how exhausted you were.” “Daniel couldn’t find work after coming here, and he had to survive somehow. So I happened to recommend him.” Just then, someone knocked on the door. Daniel’s voice followed. “Emily! My light’s broken, and I’m scared of the dark. Can you come help me fix it?”Emily looked torn. She bit her lip and said guiltily, “Wait for me, Ethan. I’ll be right back.” “He’s been afraid of the dark since he was little. I’ll just go take a look.” Without waiting for my response, she threw on her coat and hurried out. When she opened the door, Daniel put on an embarrassed act. “Sorry to come looking for you so late, Emily. Ethan won’t be upset, will he?” Emily answered quietly, “Oh, never mind him.” Her voice was low, but I still heard it. An ache spread through my chest as I watched her leave. She never looked back. Daniel, on the other hand, stared at me through the gap in the door with a smug smile. As expected, Emily didn’t come home that night. Early the next morning, she crept through the door and jumped when she saw me eating breakfast. She stammered, “You’re up early.” “What are you having? Let me try some.” I didn’t answer. I put the last breakfast roll into my mouth. She paused, then gave an awkward laugh. When she saw me heading out, she grabbed her purse and hurried after me. “I don’t have to be at work for a while. You don’t need to take me this early.” I stopped, turned around, and said coldly, “I never said I was taking you. From now on, get yourself to work and back. I have other things to do.” Ignoring her stunned expression, I walked away. Once I got to town, I set up my stand and called out for customers. A businessman who came by regularly sat down, a large leather briefcase tucked under his arm. “Why did you close so early yesterday? I came looking for you, but you were gone.” I forced a stiff smile. “Something came up at home.” He glanced around, lowered his voice, and asked, “I heard you used to work at the steel mill?” Surprised, I nodded and sighed. “That’s right.” He looked disappointed. “Why would you leave a good job like that to shine shoes?” I said nothing and quietly polished his shoes. He seemed to piece some of it together, then said, “To tell you the truth, I own a steel mill myself.” “I’m short on workers right now. You seem like a good young man. Interested in giving it a try?” “If you are, come find me at Bennett Steel.” Before I could answer, Emily appeared out of nowhere and said loudly, “We’re not interested!” She came to my side, putting on a concerned expression. “Ethan, have you forgotten?” “The doctor said you’re exhausted and need proper rest.” “Besides, your… your leg still hasn’t healed. You can’t stand for too long.” She lowered her head guiltily. My leg had been injured when those thugs beat me at my stand. If she had been willing to call the police for me, maybe everything would have turned out differently. The businessman gave my shoulder a regretful pat. “I see. That’s a shame.” He left his payment and walked away. Emily snatched up the cash before I could reach it and said awkwardly, “Ethan, I know this might upset you, but I have to tell you.” “Daniel accidentally hurt someone at the mill. If he doesn’t pay compensation, that man will go to the police.” “He doesn’t have that kind of money. I have to help him.”I laughed in disbelief. I had wondered why she had come to see me at my stand for once. Of course it was for Daniel. Shining shoes barely brought in anything. I wasn’t even making enough to treat my leg. I held back my tears and asked, my voice catching, “Emily, do you know what taking that money means?” “It means I’m even further away from getting my leg treated.” “Do you want me to end up with a permanent limp?” “And your family has money. Why can’t you use your own instead of taking mine?” She looked ashamed. “I…” She raised her eyes to mine. They reddened, and tears rolled down her cheeks. I froze. She had never cried for me, yet now she was crying for someone else. My voice went hoarse. “Do whatever you want.” “But if you take that money today, from now on, we’re—” Before I could finish, she hurried away with the cash. I watched her disappear into the crowd. Then I lowered my head and cried. I used to say men shed blood, not tears. Crying over a woman was pathetic. Now I was that pathetic man. Looking back on more than a decade of marriage, I couldn’t help wondering what I had gotten out of it. I thought for a long time, but I couldn’t find a single excuse convincing enough to fool myself. That evening, I packed up my stand and slowly headed home. Along the way, a neighbor who loved gossip said excitedly, “Did you hear? That Brooks fellow bought a house!” Another woman asked, “Which Brooks?” The neighbor clapped her hands. “Daniel Brooks!” “I heard Emily put up a lot of the money. They were looking at houses together, just like a married couple!” “And Emily’s parents paid quite a bit, too. They practically treat him like their son-in-law. Lucky man!” “Do you think Emily regrets marrying Ethan? She and Daniel seem much more like a couple.” She laughed, completely unaware that I was standing behind her. My grip on my cloth bag loosened as I stared at her. They all turned toward me, then quickly scurried away. I clenched my fist and slammed it into a rough brick wall. The jagged edges cut my hand. Blood ran down the wall. In that moment, I couldn’t accept it. Why was she willing to spend money buying Daniel a house, but not on treating my leg? Back then, she had held me tightly and cried, “Ethan, believe me. I want to get you treatment, too, but I really don’t have any money.” “Prices keep going up. We barely have enough to get by.” “As for my parents, you know how they are. They opposed our marriage from the beginning. If we ask them for money now, they’ll just use it as an excuse to criticize you.” “We won’t get the money, and you’ll be humiliated. I don’t want that.” “Can we wait a little longer? We’ll save up. I promise we’ll get your leg fixed.” I had believed her. I even thought that since she had stayed with me despite my condition, I needed to cherish her all the more. Now I just felt stupid. Deep down, I had known. I had simply chosen to believe her anyway. At last, I let go. If we couldn’t be honest with each other and truly love each other, then this was where it should end. It was time to put a period at the end of my ridiculous, pitiful love story.